"who looks outside dreams, who looks inside awakes"

Carl Jung said that.

One amongst us has passed on. One amongst us has Passed from this Realm. We are bereft. We are swept up... in the whole gestalt of our interwoven lives together, which spans all the way back to teenage beginnings.

Tears flow. It is the essential nature of grief; tears come in waves. I am not above or beyond this 'undoing', unraveling. Unraveling I am.

Yet what is being unraveled is knots. I am cognizant of this even as I am inconsolable in real-time. The one who has left, so to speak, is emerging more accessible,  not less; accessible through the breath. Pure access.

"Please call me by my true names,
So that I might here all my cries and my laughter at once,
So I can see that my joy and pain are one..."

(Thich Nhat Hanh)

That was one 'download-delivery' during our grief;
And another was Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah;
one of your favourites.. 


Now every word feels poignant:

"..There's a blaze of light in every word

It doesn't matter which you heard

The holy or the broken Hallelujah..

..I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch

I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you

And even though it all went wrong

I'll stand before the Lord of Song

With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah.."

And finally

brilliantly

woven in..

The Smith's 'I know it's over';

Oh mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head (I know it's over...)